How to act cool

If you want to act cool with me
(says Ruby)
just say OK.

The easiest way to learn
is walking waving your hips.
Watch me. One, two, three.

Everything has to be
waving your hips.
That's part of being cool.

Not spitting on your hand
like they do in Peter Pan:
that's gross.

You can't do acting cool
at gymnastics: you might go wow!
and fall off the bar.

Don't wave your hips
on the trampoline:
just jump the normal way.

Don't act cool
at dog obedience school
'cos you might fall over, especially

if you're walking backwards.
And if you see stray dogs
leave them alone.

I haven't learned all the coolness
from dog people.
I learned it from Marone.

I'll spell that for you.
It's Ethiopian,
so people can't spell it.

And don't walk coolly up the stairs.
Just walk normally.

The fair maiden

Once upon a time
(says Ruby)
there was a fair maiden.

She had to decide
which pair of shoes
to wear to her wedding.

The wedding was a sad funeral
for someone in her future
who had died.

The fair maiden loved her shoes.
Finally she decided
to wear these ones.

They are blue
and they've got a blue flower.
They remind of her mother
who died.

Facts about goblins and zombies

Goblins knock on the door
in disguise (says Ruby). Get them
to take off their clothes.

If they say no,
they're baddies.
To get them destructed,

take off their clothes.
Then call the police.
Then fight them.

(You know this isn't real.
It's just in case,
to save the day.)

If a zombie comes up the toilet
you can whisk off and fight it,
because you know the steps.

Put some Barbie dolls in a row
because zombies hate Barbie dolls.
They're afraid they'll chomp them.

You can also shine a light at zombies.
It injects them
and they die.