For goodness sake

For goodness sake (says Ruby)
I know how to spell AND.
You don't have to write it
in fancy writing.

For goodness sake,
I know how to spell A.
It's just one letter.
That's how we spell it at school.

Marie said, "What's that tattoo
and can I have one too?"
and I said,
For goodness sake, no!

It's already ruined.
I washed it and it's blurry.
For goodness sake,
no!

How to act cool

If you want to act cool with me
(says Ruby)
just say OK.

The easiest way to learn
is walking waving your hips.
Watch me. One, two, three.

Everything has to be
waving your hips.
That's part of being cool.

Not spitting on your hand
like they do in Peter Pan:
that's gross.

You can't do acting cool
at gymnastics: you might go wow!
and fall off the bar.

Don't wave your hips
on the trampoline:
just jump the normal way.

Don't act cool
at dog obedience school
'cos you might fall over, especially

if you're walking backwards.
And if you see stray dogs
leave them alone.

I haven't learned all the coolness
from dog people.
I learned it from Marone.

I'll spell that for you.
It's Ethiopian,
so people can't spell it.

And don't walk coolly up the stairs.
Just walk normally.

The fair maiden

Once upon a time
(says Ruby)
there was a fair maiden.

She had to decide
which pair of shoes
to wear to her wedding.

The wedding was a sad funeral
for someone in her future
who had died.

The fair maiden loved her shoes.
Finally she decided
to wear these ones.

They are blue
and they've got a blue flower.
They remind of her mother
who died.

Facts about goblins and zombies

Goblins knock on the door
in disguise (says Ruby). Get them
to take off their clothes.

If they say no,
they're baddies.
To get them destructed,

take off their clothes.
Then call the police.
Then fight them.

(You know this isn't real.
It's just in case,
to save the day.)

If a zombie comes up the toilet
you can whisk off and fight it,
because you know the steps.

Put some Barbie dolls in a row
because zombies hate Barbie dolls.
They're afraid they'll chomp them.

You can also shine a light at zombies.
It injects them
and they die.

There was an old lady

There was an old lady called Taylor
Who wanted to be an abseiler
But her children said, "No!
On your bike you shall go!"
And so she became a Rail Trailer.

Do you feel sorry for me?

I was hurt today
(says Ruby)
with a very bad hurt.

There was blood on my knee
and I banged my chin. See?
Do you feel sorry for me?

We were running too fast.
Lauren got a bleeding nose:
I crashed her with my head.

Ellen squealed Ee! but I just cried.
I have to scoot slowly now
because it hurts my knee.

Do you feel sorry for me?
Do you feel more sorry for Ellie,
or do you feel more sorry for me?

In the olden days

Sue is not a burglar girl
(says Ruby).

Her father was born
in the olden days.

Probably they didn't have
burglars then

but something worse
like pirates

or deadly weapons aliens.
Deadly means

really good
and not useless.

You're tired

You're tired
(says Elsie)
so it's good we're playing

something entiring
and something
not entiring.

I tell you what to do:
make some dolls' clothes.
That's entiring.

And then I go home
and you have a wee rest
when I'm not here.

You want to breathe

You sometimes feel like breathing
but it's best not to
(says Ruby).

Once you start breathing,
you have to keep going
and your throat just gets sore.

If that happens, there are two things
you can do. The first thing is,
you can have a drink of water
and it goes away and it's perfect again.

The second thing you can do to fix it
is, you can go "Aahaa, aahaa".
I'm the only person
who goes "Aahaa, aahaa".

I hardly even breathe, ever.
Just now and then, like this.

Problem solving

Why do you not like her?
(says Ruby).
She used to not like you
but now you don't like her.

She used to problem solve.
Her powers helped her problem solve.
But she gave her powers
to her friends.

Whenever they want to play
with barbies, "Pooh!
We don't want to play with you,
bogey girl!"

Kyoko and our babies
used to problem solve.
They say, "Bake me. Bake me.
Eat me if you can."